I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
