You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
