How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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