my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
