Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
