1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
