Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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