I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
