If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
