You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
