We got so high we made milksteak
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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