My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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