This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
