It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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