Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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