Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
