Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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