They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
