I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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