I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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