No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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