Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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