He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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