She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she peed on how many people?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
