Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
