Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
