I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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