Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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