I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
