So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
