that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
