If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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