trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
