five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
your like the ambassador to my penis.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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