I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
