we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
