toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
