Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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