We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
