Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
this is an emotional support booty call
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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