I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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