I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
