Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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