they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
