Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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