Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
