That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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