Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
