Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
