I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
