farters have to be the big spoon...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
