Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
