he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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