I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
