i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
