He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
