Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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