We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
