If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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