party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
