she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
