So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
