i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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