he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
