You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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