I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm at about main and main street
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
