Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
