having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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