I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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