There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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