Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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