I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize