pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
