p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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