dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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